I emptied my bank account a few days ago, chasing losses in hope for that one jackpot that would change our life. I confessed to my mom that I had an addiction, today she just told me that she only had a few hundred left for food and that the kitchen would be empty by the end of this month. Holy fuck what have I done, I wish she told me this before I emotionally gambled away the thousands I had. I fucked up so, so bad. I’m having a panic attack, I can’t look her in the eye and deep down I know she’s sad and angry at me for wasting all that money.I’ve been job hunting for a year and a half now, only a few phone calls just to end with “Sorry, but we’ve decided to pursue another candidate.” Fuck and my commissions stopped in December, absolutely no income at all so I’m left with the ghost of my bank account balance being £-4.38. This is it, I’m ready to die. This is all my fault, now my mom, dogs and cats are going to starve because of me.I’m going to leave at night when she’s asleep. I live in the midlands in Cambridge, England. I have no money for a bus or taxi so I’m going to walk to the west coast and just sit on the cliff watching the sunset before I make the final jump. I figured it’d be better than hanging myself or doing it in the middle of the city where everyone walking by would see.Since Thursday when I confessed I thought it’d get better but hearing what my mom just told me immediately sank me back in to that gut wrenching pain in my stomach. If reincarnation is real I hope my next body can do good in this world. 20 years on this planet and I’m going to throw in the towel, I hope all of you here reading this can do great things, but I’m done.