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I’ve got an issue, and it’s a “bit” more complicated….

Before I start this post, I would like to mention that I’ve never posted something like this, so if i’m doing this in wrong subreddit I would really appreciate if someone can point me towards the right direction where to post this.I will try to explain this in a way that is short and simple and yet detailed so I’m not sure how long it’s going to be really….So let’s start it off, I have gambling issues and I’m.. reformed gambler which went back to gambling. Basically it started off innocent, literally harmless bet of quite literally few cents no harm or anything.. but it went into a habit.. eventually I realized that the only way to win “big” is to bet more money and that’s what I’ve done… (now we’re talking about few dollars, again nothing serious).. the issue is that it went into a habit…Before I was even aware of it, dollar by dollar it went into few hundred of dollars.. (and eventually it went more and more)…. – now to note it, I was strictly spending my own money whatever if it was given to me or I earned it or something else it was never loan or anything like that…Eventually my parents figured out that I’m gambling (which is quite ironic considering the fact that they were watching me gamble (online gambling) infront of them for years and completly ignored it and went mad once they realized I’m spending real money).. so we had argument over that and I have agreed to stop it under one condition (which I’m going to mention soon) and I’ve stopped it, and went even a step further and literally cut anything what could trigger that gambling (what I was able to control) from my life.. and I was reformed for a while, probably over a year.. and well, I’ve started making daily spins (free daily spins) in one singleplayer game not related to real life or anything whatsoever and it slowly but surely “triggered” my gambling addiction back (triggered is a lie, it only unlocked something what I have locked in myself for completly different reasons).. and here I am again with the issues…Now, to give a bit of a perspective of what’s going on actually… it’s not a matter of me gambling for the sake of gambling, the issue is that I have no respect for money whatsoever because I was raised in that way.. living in a very toxic family which thought that money can be replaced with everything, save every cent and penny which you can but at the same time be cocky, drive luxurious vehicles and make sure that everyone else is jelaous of you… and I’m not like that.. I just can’t pretend to be something what I’m not.. and it’s even more complicated.. basically I’m not in the position to do anything because looking at one point I really need to move away and looking from another I can’t because I’m in university and I’m without a job (looking for one) and while they’re supposed to still finance me (by the law) through the time while I’m studying, I can’t exactly say that they don’t but they’re again counting every cent and that’s what’s just driving me crazy and forcing me to gamble and lose respect for the money.. “oh you need new shirt/jeans? Why the hell did you tear apart old one?” – well maybe it got torn apart on it’s own because it’s old damn it? And well, the thing is that toxic behavior was going on way before I started gambling (or for a matter of fact before they had any idea of that whatsoever) and the thing is I just got to the point where I got sick of their money and “tried getting some of my own” (by gambling.. which didn’t work out too well)…How I’m standing right now? Well.. nothing really changed, I’m not in debts or anything like that to worry about but the issue is (as stated) that I don’t have any respect for the money… like, let’s say I take some money for the coffee or to go out – person didn’t show up or cancelled? Throw that money into gambling straight away… and the thing is.. while those are mostly small ammounts if I was to save up the money which I lost those would be some serious figures (which I don’t really want to talk about)… and those figures are getting higher and higher because I keep doing the same thing over and over again…….another well at the same time issue and solution, honestly saying I don’t have motivation to do anything really.. due to situation mentioned above (at home, not gambling) I’m pretty much at breaking point every day and it’s been going on for years, so while I am holding it together (not really) at the same time I don’t really see a reason in doing anything.. whatever if it’s studying, going out, finding a hobby or something… not that I don’t want to, I do but like studying for example.. like if I don’t study and I don’t have any expectations I fail exam and I know why I failed it, but if I do study and fail then.. it’s actually a huge dissapointment and I just don’t know what to do at that point..If someone has some follow up questions please do ask them, but also please do not answer with some hotline number for gambling issues or something like that.. that’s why I’m posting it here…

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